Monday, August 26, 2013

Things To Be Learned from The Shining..

1) Don't marry a man with the booze tolerance of a baby.

2) Don't marry a writer. The only way to cure burn-out and writer's block is by swinging an ax at your wife and son.

3) Delve into your family lineage. See if any of your ancestors were born with the ability to foresee visions of hotel elevators gushing blood. Check to see if there is Prenatal screening for that.

4) Don't call your husband by the name of "Jack" even if that is the name he assumes in this CURRENT life. (Some reincarnation humor which is left to fill in the blanks)

5) Next time your husband chases you with an ax, use a gun for self defense, not a blunt kitchen knife.

6) Never trespass into an old demented woman's hotel room. Chances are she is not inviting you in for a game of Memory.

7) Burn out is caused by all work and no play. It makes you a very dull boy. So go play house with your wife and son. Fulfill your obligations as a family man.

8) Don't act so alarmed when you see a man in a bear suit performing fellatio on a business man. It's not nice to judge people. Maybe "Jack" wouldn't be such a dull boy if he was getting some of that action. It's called role playing. You should try it sometime.

9) If Bloody Marys are served at bars, why can't REDRUM be?

10) When you see a set of twin girls, don't take your sweet time deciding which one of them has cooties.
RUN for your life!

And last but not least......

11) Understand that some hotels you just can't check out of......

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