Thursday, November 10, 2016

Holidays (2016) - A Treat For Every Occasion

The holidays brings out the best and the worst in some. When I was younger, I remembered looking forward to Holidays because it meant days off from school, candy, and gifts. When you get older, then holidays become more about your kids than you. Although, I won't lie, from time to time, the little kid comes out in me. After all these years of not getting any Halloween candy myself, I decided this year to put on my "Big Kid" costume and ask for candy at the door. All I can say is, God I miss eating chocolate and peanut butter candy. It's so easy to get caught up in that and all other holiday festivities that we forget how much the holidays can bring out the worst in some people who have their own way of celebrating...

Valentine's Day:

I got the key to your heart...well more like a box cutter.

Maxine, a social introvert, gets bullied by the other girls. Her father committed suicide with a box cutter and one of her peers pokes fun at her traumatic situation. She get's labeled "Maxi Pad" by the girls as well. The only thing keeping her going is her crush on her gym coach. Her gym coach needs a new heart...

Well, Maxine decides to wear more than just her heart on her sleeve. It's more like someone else's heart in her hands. And the girl who mocked Maxine's father's suicide, is the perfect candidate..

Saint Patrick's Day:

Stop smiling!!!

That is not a smile of pure innocence. It is diabolical. It is worse than a child trying to emotionally manipulate you into not grounding her for bad behavior. Saint Patrick must be so proud. Now make a wish, and it shall be granted to you. Just be very very careful what you wish for..

A teacher who is ecstatic when she learns she is pregnant, receives the ultimate buzzkill from her doctor. "Have you ever seen Rosemary's Baby?" Ummm...

The creepy devil girl who makes your wishes come true is just as rare as a 4 leaf clover..


To adults, Easter is the time to celebrate the Resurrection Of Jesus Christ. We have to explain to our children that in modern times once someone dies they can never be brought back to physical form. However, in Biblical times, Jesus died and was brought back. Why it was possible then and not now children will wonder. But to children, it can also be scary, especially when they fear a zombie like Jesus will come visit them in their nightmares.

Let's make this holiday fun and try to find the Easter Bunny with a nest filled with chocolate eggs.

Mother's Day:
Now this is an interesting esoteric medical case. A girl gets knocked up every time she has sex. I wouldn't be surprised if she got knocked up if sperm was even just a number of feet away from her. Some women try so hard to get pregnant and never succeed. In this case, no pill, diaphragm, insertion, spermicide, or tubal litigation is likely to work. Poor Kate now must attend a special "retreat" with a bunch of special women who try to "help" her. 

Father's Day

Just listen to Daddy's voice on the tape. It will guide you to where you need to be which is the unknown part of town. Daddy is always going to follow you. Daddy will always stay with you in your heart. Daddy will always love you...


Young pretty girls, alone and desperate seeking employment. Any employment. Whatever pays the bills. Even if it means selling yourself on webcam and becoming imprisoned to it.

Obey your master you dirty whore! Oh but is that any way to talk to a female? Especially one who is just trying to survive. Just understand, a woman is a lot tougher than she lets on. And when she is out for revenge,'s been nice knowing you...

You like torture porn right? Like flammables shoved up your butt, or the alternative, like being pushed to cut off your own manhood..


A little too late on your Christmas shopping? You would do absolutely anything to make your son happy by buying him that new virtual reality device. The damn addiction to virtual reality shit!!! Now the store is closed because the owner has his own life to get back to by the end of the day. But when the poor man finds himself dying in the parking lot, and you have the chance to save him, you decide to let him die so you can get into the locked store. Torn conscience much?

At least you got your gadget....

But this particular virtual reality gadget is just that, a reality. And a very haunting and unpleasant one at that.

Maybe you should have saved that dying man, and owned up to your irresponsibility to your son.

New Years Eve

Let's open up New Years with a bang...

I'm twisted. Are you?

I guess that answers my question....

Because that is not the face I make when I get off in a good way...

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