I keep hearing the Disney Vacation promotional theme song playing in my mind with the tag line stating "The Happiest Place On Earth", imagining if it really truly is just that. The last time I vacationed in Disney, I was 16 and it was the best Sweet 16 gift my Aunt and Uncle could ever give me. You have Mickey Mouse waving hello to you wanting to give you a hug, Minnie Mouse twirling around in her polka dot skirt, Donald and Daisy Duck smooching, and well, at least those were my Disney memories.
But Disney can be a little deranged at times, don't you think?
If I were to reverse those magical memories in my mind, into something dark, then the infamous Disney Tagline may read, "The Scariest Place On Earth". Mickey and Minnie would wear frowns instead of smiles. Donald Duck would have beady and malicious eyes and go from his quack talking voice to demonic and terrorizing. Cinderella, Ariel, Belle, Snow White, and Jasmine would be the evil diabolical witches dressed in Princess garb. There would be no Magic Kingdom. It would be a one way ticket to an abyss called Hell...
Poor Dad, just trying to give his family a vacation they will never forget... But does anybody give a shit about what a Dad wants? He is the sole provider for the family and gets fired over the phone while vacationing, and gradually begins to lose his marbles. I mean watching someone getting beheaded on a roller coaster would give Post Traumatic Stress Disorder the privilege to abuse right?
Magic becomes mayhem when you start seeing two young French babes eyeing you down, Costumed Princesses who are secret prostitutes, a woman who casts a spell on you through her amulet necklace, etc. OK, shit like that is just not supposed to happen..At least not at f*ckin' Disney!
But as mentioned above, Disney can be a bit deranged... I say this because Disney is a land of make believe. But make believe becomes must believe... And you better believe that you are not at the Most Happiest Place On Earth..
We need a vacation from a vacation...