Tuesday, September 23, 2014

The Long Island Cannibal Massacre - 1980



Heyy, whazz up neighbors, welcome to Crazy Town a.k.a. Long Island.. The people here aren't so bad. There are a few odd balls here and there but that's everywhere. We have the most nicest and cleanest beaches, although a severed head maybe buried underneath the sand you lie on. We are known for our fine restaurants and diners that serve human fingers as mozzarella sticks, human eye balls for chocolate covered mothballs, layers of human flesh for your eggplant parmigiana and a human heart for your chicken cutlets. Long Island is definitely the place to be...



A bunch of flesh eating reprobates are on the loose on Long Island. Should we be scared? At least those of us who reside on Long Island? There is Zed and Jack. Jack is the son of a leper. Zed is his partner in "Cannibal Crime". Then you have Bruce who wears a pillowcase over his head so you don't see his face. Grisly murders are taking place and Inspector James Cameron has just about seen enough. Lawnmowers tearing a girl's face off, young kids getting their brains smashed in by cinderblocks, bodies slit open and entrails being yanked out, and well, I think you get the graphic picture here. When a girl's flesh torn skull is found dug underneath the sand on the beach, Jack creeps up on Inspector Cameron and bribes him to keep mum about it. Cameron of course reports what he witnessed and how he was paid over $100 to keep quiet about it but it falls on deaf ears.

Jack, whose father and friends contracted a horrible disease from Africa, which turned him into a monstrous leper, has Jack wrapped around his emotional blackmail. He orders his son to get him "food" so he can live. And Jack does just that. But he doesn't want to. Yet he does. Why? Because his daddy told him so. Blood is thicker than water, literally. Jack's conscience or what's left of it has been eaten away..no pun intended...


The monstrosity needs to come to an end. Cameron tracks Zed down and showdown begins with brutality and ends with Zed's face sliding off after it's been impaled. Jack is being hunted down too. A cop who tries to interfere ends up getting a hammer smashed to the back of his head with brain matter flying out. I guess that could be used as a side dish huh? Sorry, for those who have a very sensitive stomach. Well, sorta. And who ends up coming to Jack's "rescue"? It is Bruce with the pillowcase over his head. Showdown gets ugly. 


Why does Bruce cover his face? Jack pulls the pillowcase off of Bruce's head and you will never believe the shock that was lying underneath the cover all this time..

Holy split personality Batman,it was Inspector James Cameron!!!


"Bruce" snaps.. He experiences an extremely vivid flashback. He witnessed his sister being slain to death by his father when he was only a child. That is too much for a child to absorb so I guess the only thing you can do is to eat those suppressed traumatic moments and again, no pun intended. And now you know, Jack isn't the only one with "Daddy" issues.  

Oh Jackie Boy..Daddy's got a surprise in store for you!!!

    (not for the squeamish)