Thursday, October 9, 2014

The Kiss - 1988



You're kiss is on my list for the LAST things in life....

Definitely not on my list for the best things in life, thank you very much Hall and Oates. 

We all have a relative from Hell. It may be your own mother or father. It may be your grandmother. It may be your aunt and uncle. Holidays are filled with dread when Uncle Asshole condescends your daddy at the dinner table after his 3rd Johnny Walker, simply because he's a single lush with no family of his own. Your Aunt Debbie Downer may be a jealous hag who is trying to brainwash her nieces against their mother. OK, I think I've made my point...

But Aunt Felice is different. She is a worldwide model but a Euro-Demon in disguise. You know a witch with a heavy Northern or Southern European accent? She was estranged from her sister Hilary as a child, due to some mental illness. Later she was possessed by some peculiar bloodline through a kiss from her own aunt with a cursed African Totem with a serpent like tongue by her side. You know Africa is the ultimate voodoo lounge. 

Many years later you have, Hilary, Jack, and their teenage daughter Amy..The Happy Hallorans. Hilary receives a phone call from her estranged sister Felice. It is now time..

Hilary gets killed by a swerved truck out of nowhere. Right after Hilary's funeral, while Jack and Amy are obviously grieving, there comes Aunt Felice. Talk about unusual timing. Time for Aunt Felice to move in for the kill...literally. Aunt Felice has her eyes set on Amy who is next of kin for her evil bloodline. One kiss to pass on the curse. Amy is not to be touched or persuaded in any way...

Heather, Amy's best friend, drops her lipstick on the mall's escalator. Her necklace ends up getting caught in the belt. Heather's face gets mutilated...




Amy knows her Aunt Felice is evil. Jack wont hear of it. Of course, he's diddling with the Euro-Demon. Typical lonely red blooded male on the rebound. Jack, however, isn't going to choose Euro-Demonic poontang over his pride and joy, as he sees that Amy is just having a hard time replacing her mother. Felice ends up leaving and checking into a hotel.

Amy confides in Terry, her crush who sells cakes at the local mall for a living. He takes it upon himself to get the dirt on evil Aunt Felice. Anything for a piece of poonani pie right? Although, playing I Spy was not the smartest thing..

Terry ends up getting killed by an oncoming truck after leaving Felice's hotel room...

Next Amy tries to confide in her family priest. Aunt Felice follows. The priest ends up in combustion. Felice needs Amy now more than ever. After their family friend Brenda, who is a nurse, takes blood samples and sees that Felice's blood was exhumed from a corpse, Jack takes every desperate measure to save his daughter from evil Aunt Felice. 


It takes just one kiss. You're next on the bloodline...

Next of kin, or next to kill?????